”Comparison is the thief of joy.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

Teddy Roosevelt had this right. Comparison is a happiness robber. Yet we do this almost as a knee jerk reaction. We’ve been led to believe that the way to measure our worth is by comparing ourselves to other people.

If someone else seems to be doing better than we are, we beat ourselves up for not being good enough, smart enough, good looking enough, and so on. You can always find someone who seems to be doing better than you or has what you want to have in life. As a result, that leads to nothing but disappointment and lowering your self-esteem. As you can see, it’s important to stop comparing yourself to others.

Comparing Ourselves to Others Began in Childhood

This, like most beliefs and attitudes was ingrained into our subconscious in childhood and through young adulthood. Schools, parents and peers may have used comparison to judge our standing and worth. And too many workplace cultures use competition and comparison instead of cooperation. No wonder we do it to ourselves!

I want to emphasize that you are on your own path and it is just right for you. You are a unique and special individual.

You are enough, just as you are. Sure, you want to grow. That doesn’t mean you aren’t enough right now. That desire to grow is part of what is so good about you!

Here are some tips to help you stop comparing yourself to others and start loving yourself:

1. Take a break from Social Media. This is a hot bed of comparison. And let’s face it, many people embellish! You can use the extra time to meditate or do yoga, or something else that is self-affirming.

2. Consider your own talents, skills and strengths—how can you use them to serve others? This gives a sense of purpose to your life, which promotes happiness.

3. Realize that others who outwardly look successful may not be happy despite wealth, acclaim, that “perfect marriage,” etc. Focus on what makes you happy. Many people live simple lives with great joy.

4. Stop “shoulding” yourself. As mentioned above, your path through life is uniquely yours and you are right where you need to be in this moment. For instance, there’s really no set time where you should be making a certain amount of money, getting married, starting a family, getting promoted at work. Check in with yourself to make sure you’re not people pleasing. What brings you peace and joy? Those are the things that matter.

5. How do you define success? Decide what success means to you. What is really important to you personally? You may realize the societal markers of success are not necessarily your personal markers or desires.

6. Look at what’s going right and practice gratitude. People have a tendency to notice what’s going wrong more often than what’s going right. Our brains are actually hard-wired that way.
But—you can change that by deliberately shifting your focus.

Ask yourself, “What is going right in my life?”

Then, make 2 lists. The first is a list of everything going right in your life and the second is a list of all the things you love about yourself. Then spend a few minutes every day basking in gratitude for these qualities and things! (Hint: something is always going right.)

7. Take time for self-care. Nurture yourself in ways that feel good to you. This can be a trip to the spa, a walk outside or playing with a pet. Maybe you like to curl up with a good book (that’s one of mine!) Do whatever feels like self-love!

8. Boost your self-esteem by using the Directed Abstraction Technique.

Do you have other ways of valuing yourself instead of comparing yourself to others? I’d love to know what they are! You can share in the comments below.