There are many reasons why you might find yourself feeling bitter. A relationship breakup, loss of a job, getting scammed, experiencing what you feel is unfair treatment—the list goes on.
I was quite bitter when I felt forced out of a job I had really loved by a new administration. Being bitter didn’t feel good and it didn’t move me forward in life. Holding on to bitterness causes you to stay in a state of anger, helplessness and resentment that spills over onto others. It puts you in constant “complain mode.” If you don’t face it and shift your perspective, it will adversely affect your health, relationships, opportunities and general well-being. I finally freed myself of the bitterness and was able to open to my next phase of life a stronger, wiser and happier person.
These are the steps I took:
1. Look for the gift in the situation that caused you to feel bitter. How did you grow from it? What did you learn about yourself? See the growth opportunity that is there for you. A coach or counselor can help with this process if you find it difficult.
2. Stop telling the story to all your friends. Focusing on the pain doesn’t allow you to move past it and heal. It may feel good in the short run to have your friends agreeing that you got a raw deal, but repeating that story over and over keeps you stuck in victim mode. It doesn’t allow you the space to explore what it is you really feel upset about and deal with it. When you are a victim, you feel powerless. That sense of powerlessness could be the real thing you’re feeling bitter about.
3. Take an honest look at what responsibility you may have had in creating the situation. That’s a hard one to look at, but valuable! Were there red flags you ignored? By looking at your contribution to the problem you can acknowledge that you actually had choice and were not powerless. Taking some of the responsibility allows you to take back your power. It’s true that there are some situations in which someone may have had no control, but in most cases we do.
4. Practice forgiveness. The reason most people have trouble forgiving when they feel wronged, is that they think it excuses the behavior of the other person. That’s not what forgiveness is about. It’s about allowing yourself to release the past and move on. Forgiveness is a powerful process, but do it only when you feel ready. If you rush it and don’t really genuinely feel forgiveness, you just bury your feelings and that doesn’t allow you to process them. I found forgiveness came in small steps.
5. Forgive yourself. It’s important to have self-compassion. Often when we have had something happen in our lives that causes bitterness, we feel angry with ourselves. Realize you are human, and that entails making mistakes as part of the learning process. Be kind to yourself. Try meditating, listening to music that uplifts you and being out in nature to soothe your feelings.
4. Explore how the situation caused you to seek new opportunities, meet new people and create the person you are now. I found myself to be actually grateful for the person I had been so upset with when I left my job. If it hadn’t been for him, I would probably have stayed right where I was, not growing. Leaving that job gave me an opportunity to really look at what I wanted to do next with my life. As a result, I found my true calling. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been expanding and exciting!
5. Be in the present moment. Stop re-hashing the situation and having conversations in your head you wished you’d had. Focus, instead, on what is in front of you and explore new things that you enjoy. What new activities and places can you investigate?
If you are still having a hard time, I recommend seeking out the support of a coach or counselor to help you process your feelings and shift your perspective.
[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#LifePurpose #HighVibes”]How to vanquish bitterness[/tweetthis]
(First published on LearnEvolveAndThrive.com Dec. 15, 2017)
