There’s nothing wrong with striving for success and excellence.

However, that is not the same as perfectionism and it’s important to know the difference in order to recognize it and take steps to overcome it. Perfectionism is a tendency to set standards so high they can’t be met, yet never being satisfied with anything less.

It is driven by fear; fear of being judged, rejected, making a mistake or failing. While most people realize that sometimes mistakes are inevitable and even a learning opportunity, perfectionists think making a mistake makes them a total failure. They exhibit “all or nothing” thinking.

Psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen says,

“Contrary to the name, most perfectionists aren’t driven by the pursuit of perfection, they’re driven by the avoidance of failure. Being a perfectionist isn’t about being perfect, it’s about never being good enough.”

Perfectionism can show up in body image, leading to eating disorders or over-exercising. It can show up in one’s career, resulting in procrastination or agonizing over a detail for so long projects don’t get done on time—or at all. And it stunts personal growth as the perfectionist is constantly critical of herself for not being where she thinks she ought to be in her development. Even love is performance-driven. All of this often leads to depression.

While many people believe perfectionism leads to success, in reality, perfectionism can actually hinder success.[tweetthis]Many believe #perfectionism leads to success. Perfectionism actually hinders success. [/tweetthis]

Perfectionistic behaviors can increase performance and social anxiety. The perfectionist focuses so much on the end product that he doesn’t concentrate on the process of completing a task. It’s all about trying to control the outcome in order to receive love and acceptance.

So if you find you are a perfectionist, what can you do?

1.Be aware of your self-critical and “all or nothing” thoughts.

When you find yourself criticizing a performance you deem less than perfect, stop yourself and focus on what was good about it. Make a list of the things that went right. Focus all your attention on this list of positive aspects.

2. Set realistic goals.

By setting realistic goals (lowering your standards) you will soon find that less than “perfect” results don’t lead to the rejection or harsh criticism you are afraid will happen to you. Realistic goals are just out of your reach. They require you to stretch some, but allow the likelihood of success.

Test out lowering your standards by what you would consider 10% less effort and then analyze what happened. Did earth stop spinning? Did someone complain? When you realize perfectionism is actually harming you, your performance and others around you, it is easier to quiet the inner critic and feel good about “good enough.”

3. Remember that you and everyone else are human, and with that comes imperfection.

Imperfection is necessary to our experience. We learn and grow through the mistakes we make, and perfection simply doesn’t exist.

“ Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” ~ Leonard Cohen

4. Be aware of the media sources you spend time with that try to reinforce perfectionism in you. 

Do the websites, TV shows, magazines, podcasts and books you engage with have realistic and positive views of life? If not, spend more time with positive and uplifting sources.

5. Spend time with people who are positive and living life in a healthy and relaxed way. 

Since we become like the five people we spend most of our time with, see who you know who is relaxed and a free spirit.

6.  Practice self-forgiveness and self-love. 

These free you from negative self-talk and open you to love. Look in the mirror every day, with your hand on your heart and tell yourself, “I love you.” It may feel silly or difficult at first, but keep at it. When you think you have failed in some way, stop and say to yourself, “I forgive you. I love you.” Surrender to the idea that you are fine, just as you are.  Make a commitment to yourself to speak to yourself in encouraging and appreciative ways.

7. Laugh!

Find reasons to laugh. Watch something funny. Laugh at yourself when you make a “mistake”! Laughing releases the feel-good hormones like endorphins and dopamine and can get you through the hard times. Laugh every day—make it a practice.

When you can learn to relax, embrace all that life offers and release the need to be perfect, you will love your life!