Life is full of ups and downs.  Everyone experience those times when things just don’t go the way they expected.  A job or project falls through, disagreements crop up, a spouse leaves–the list could go on!   The difference between someone who grows from these challenges and someone who stays stuck is in how they respond to the bumps in the road.

Are you a victim or a victor?
A victim is someone who doesn’t take responsibility for what happens in life, but points the finger of blame at other people or circumstances.  A victor on the other hand, sees a situation and begins to think about ways to grow from it and what the next steps might be.   We are always at choice as to how we respond to any situation.

Jack Canfield has offered this equation for what he calls “response-ability”, meaning having the ability to be in control of how you respond to what shows up in your life.

E + R = O  (Events + Response = Outcome)

Until you realize that your happiness and success in life is your responsibility, it will elude you.  When you act like a victim, you actually give away your power.  You are then at the mercy of circumstances and other people.  When you stop to think about it, is that what you really want?  The truth is that you are powerful and you can affect how events turn out for you.

When people act like victims, they typically do three things:  Blame others, complain about their circumstances or turn the blame in on themselves in the form of guilt.  In her book, Happy for No Reason, Marci Shimoff calls these behaviors “happiness robbers”.

We know from the law of attraction, that when we turn our attention on what we don’t want, we get more of the same.  The universe is always matching our vibration.  So, when you blame, complain or beat up on yourself, you are pinching off your flow of well being and putting out a vibration that life is hard, you have no control over what happens—you are simply a victim.  What you draw to yourself are more of the same experiences, and often people will use that as evidence that they are correct in their assessment of life being a series of hard knocks and they are powerless to do anything about it. We’ve all seen people who go from one crisis to another, who always seem to have something going wrong.  Perhaps you’ve been there yourself!  We all get into “victim mode” more often than we might realize.  When you are in the victim mindset, ideas about how to shift your situation will not even occur to you, as your attention will be on your grumbling, rather than on solutions.

So how do you change out of victim mode into victor mode?  
Make a decision to take responsibility  for your life.  Everything that happens is for our growth.  The key is to decide to embrace the growth.  

1.   Instead of blaming others or circumstances, look for the lesson and the gift in the situation.  What are you learning about yourself?  How might this actually turn out to be an opportunity?  When my husband lost his job several years ago, we were initially very upset.  We spent some time in blaming and complaining, certainly feeling like victims.  But thankfully we didn’t stay there!  We began to look at this as an opportunity.  My husband had been having a lot of stress at his job–to the point I was concerned about his health.  He got a great severance package and finally had time to do what he had wanted to do for a long time, but had never had the time to do–start his own business as a computer consultant.  He’s now much happier, less stressed and his business is going great!  He learned he had the confidence to go for what he truly wanted.

2.  Instead of complaining, be solutions focused.  Ask yourself,  “What are my next steps?”  Whether its a job loss, a break-up or even a frightening diagnosis, there are solutions.  A victor will focus on deciding on the best course of action, with the idea that you can always course correct if you need to.

3.   Realize that you are not a failure, just because things didn’t go as planned or you did something you regret.  Who hasn’t?   Forgive yourself and/or others and move on.  Love yourself for the magnificent being you truly are!

As soon as you take responsibility for your responses to life, rather than react to it, you will begin to create the life you want!